The Pain of Breaking Up ( Through Christian Eyes)

I wrote this a couple months back when my ex-girlfriend and I split, oh well. Thought for the first few posts I'd catch you all up on some earlier works, keep the faith.

On the pain of breaking up:

It appears to me, that in the stage between adolescence and maturity, one of the hardest obstacles spiritually is the remain strong, and grow, from the pain of breakups, heartbreak, and a loss of a best friend and, as it appears to be at that time, a significant other. I believe this to be because, like so many others have stated, it appears that they bring the best out of you, and after such a loss, where you are in both mental and physical pain, from tears and the literal feeling of a hole in your chest, you are in no place to handle the loss of the best side of you being taken from you, with the people whom you stopped talking to for the person that just left. Who can blame you? The cliche phrase of its just high school, can so often mean more. Your first kiss, inspiration, biggest reason to smile, and close ally can hardly be wrapped up by people saying “there is more fish in the sea”, for the tired fisherman/woman has no time to chase what they appear to be mere catfish to the merlin of what they loss. But the silver lining in the bombs going off in your mind, is that your building stronger as a person. So typical the old break up phase. Tears, hatred, jealousy, the beginnings of running after being hit on the ground by working out and pursuing old hobbies and friends, the eventual casting off of the depression which you hardly want to keep holding onto but don’t know how to let go, and then the merging happy with your old friends regained, and hobbies bring you joy again. But upon deeper reflection, what really are you happy about? The forgetting of a past love? That your strength is regained and ready to “cast the line and go fishing”? It doesn't appear to be so, since rebounds always end in heart break, or at least crashing after your intentions were not out of finding love but forgetting it. No, it comes from you finding out exactly why you were happy before, because you were happy for yourself, and that you always could be, and you just forgot how to be. But what if this break up process kept going on, and after you kept the hobbies and friends, you kept working at them still instead of starting the cycle again? You’d find that all along the mirage that it was “you two against the world” was false. In truth, a relationship can and often does bring out the best in a person, but this is because of the love you find in them, the compassion, and joy you did not have before. But the real joke of it is, that love, compassion and joy, is only a very lacking supplement of another greater, more powerful and never ending love, compassion and joy, which would crush the cycle of love, loss, and life again. Once you realize this, you can begin to understand what exactly the phrase “A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.” means. ( the poem’s title is "When I say, 'I am a Christian'" by Carol Wimmer) This is NOT a rule God has placed so that his glory remains in his believers, for his glory could be no more diminished by this than a man could make a dark room light by yelling obsence things at the darkness demanding it go away. This is rather, a guide God has set up for both parties of a relationship. After the first and greatest love is found, the cycle broken, and the person wrapped up in their purpose of finding fulfillment, it is then that they are ready to find someone whom they can find the secondary love and compassion with, but do not mistake this for permanent love and compassion, it is, and always will be, a secondary love, never possible to match, overpower, or even come close to that of the first of the Almighty. They are ready because, they can land on their two feet, with the love of God between them, not simply the regular “high school relationship” , and once it ends, if the love of God has remained within them, they can find peace and strength in him, knowing that truly the piece that completed them was God, not each other. For all those suffering in the pain of a broken relationship, my heart goes out to you. I know of the feelings of pain, and the sick irony of only forgetting the person, to remember you forgot, and to remember again. But there is much hope, and there is much to learn from this. We can never know God’s plan, it has been made long before the earth was even created, and only in retrospect can we truly say “ah, i see now what you were doing. thank you for not granting my silly prayers which would lead away from that path” Much like God made the Pharaoh hard headed, not willing to accept Moses demand to let his people free, we can never know what emotions and qualities God instills in people and for what reason, and we must not pretend too. Only, focus on the rebuilding process of yourself, and you might be surprised by Joy in looking for Christ during this process. Khalil Gibran puts it this way “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self, so therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility.” Trust in the physician, for your understanding is your growth in knowledge, like breaking down your muscles when working out, only so they can grow stronger. Do not seek revenge, or keep hatred within your heart, for no one but the devil, not even you holding them in, will be happy in doing so. Keep up the good fight my friends, heartbreak is just a hard stone on the difficult path we walk on barefoot to go through the narrow gates of God.

- Nathan Boone